The WeekEND of Week One!

Okay so today was a pretty big milestone for me.
Number one, I got my ass up and to the gym WITHOUT a personal training appointment and WITHOUT a near nervous breakdown (since my father died, I've been having some anxiety issues...I'll go into that another time maybe when I feel like talking more about it). It is also the end of my first week working towards my goal!
This week so far, I have successfully stayed between 1200-1400 calories per day...tonight, my husband made us steaks and I even had the correct portion amount and became FULL before I finished! I was pretty pleased about that.
The thing is, I'm not really dieting. I need to change my eating habits all together. My portions have been out of control and I tend to snack when I'm bored or depressed.  I used to be able to devour an entire steak, two cups of Japanese sticky rice (I'm part Japanese...can't cut it out just yet!), and whatever else I felt the need to stick in my mouth.
So tonight, I measured that steak and I measured that rice, and added in broccoli (steamed). I ate all my broccoli first, opting to fill up on the healthiest bit. And gosh, I had about a quarter of my steak portion left and several forkfuls of rice left and I was full! I was elated.
For dessert, I let myself have a little treat: two of those chocolate candies from Weight Watchers. They have caramel and pecans and are yummy!
I finished out my day with a net calorie intake of just over 1200. Hurray!!

I'm going out of order here, but bear with me. It's late and I wanted to get this out before I fell asleep. Anyways. This morning at the gym, I walked out (very determined-like) and into the weight room in the gym. Usually there are plenty of meatheads there, hogging up the machines I want to use (my PT usually kicks them off for a few minutes) so I decided to try out the hack slide.
Holy Mother of God.
By rep 5 of my first set, my thighs are burning. I powered through it and did 3 sets of 12 though. Then I did my biceps (I wimped out after only 2 sets, poop) and triceps. Then I did more thigh workouts on the adductor and abductor machines.
Then is was time for cardio. Jean says 35 to 45 minutes for days I do strength training and 1 hr 30 to 1 hr 45  on days I don't. Ouch. The idea of being on an elliptical, or anything else for that matter, for that long is daunting. I did find a great song today, hiding on my iPod. It's Run the World by Beyonce (4, I think is the album). It's some remix though and man, that got me in the Zone. It was perfect!
When I finally got off the elliptical, I thought my legs would give out. I had major jello legs all day. I'm still having trouble getting up my stairs. So I'm thinking no more leg workouts for a few days.

I've been thinking about some new goals though. First, obviously, is get my weight down. But once I hit that, I don't want just maintenance here on out. I was thinking maybe I could take up kickboxing or something like that. Karate? Jiu Jitsu? Something...
But then I was thinking, what if I get on that scale on Monday and the number I see doesn't look very good? What if it's such a minuscule amount, or worse, more than before? What if I haven't done anything at all and all this hard work and careful meal planning didn't do a thing?