My Progress

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Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Roller Coaster That Is The Holidays

I'm going to start this out by saying that the past two Christmases sucked. This is my second Christmas after my dad died so it was really just not good times. Cue me crying over a laundry basket full of towels on Christmas Eve. On top of that, my husband had to leave for a Chicago run on the 23rd so I was mostly alone. Don't get me wrong, I went to my aunt's house Christmas Day and my cousin even spent the night with me and stuff but I was just really lonely deep down, despite being surrounded by people. So I ate a lot.
Then on Monday I go into the gym for a reprogram and see that I had gained a pound and a half back over the course of a weekend. I was even sadder. I came home pissed off. And really discouraged. I had the thought--several times--of, "Why do I even bother? I'm going to be fat forever." I got really down on myself. And even though I stuck to my meal plan, I just really couldn't get my heart in it. I stared longingly at my husband's ginormous steak as I nibbled on my little deck-of-cards-sized portion. I could smell the buttery popcorn in the movie theater as I munched on my own all natural stuff that I sneaked in with in my purse. I really almost just gave up and gave in. But I didn't.
Yesterday, I weighed myself and I had lost the pound and a half that I gained plus an additional pound. I was really excited. Even more excited with I saw I had lost 5 inches at my waist (never mind the stagnation that is my thighs and arms...uuugggggh).
I don't even know the point of this, I just had to get it out.

Saturday, December 24, 2011


I somehow grew biceps overnight.
All I know is they were pretty mushy Wednesday. Then I had an INTENSE arm workout (like I still can't do ANYTHING without a good way) and then I woke up today and I have hard-ass biceps. Like even my friend Natalie was impressed.

Now I just need my batwings to go away and I'm set!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Can't Stop GRINNING!

I'm down to 193!
Just three more pounds and I cash in on that massage!!
This excites me. :>

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

5 Pounds Down, 65 More To Go!

I weighed myself today!
I was honestly nervous at first. Yesterday was my husband's and my first wedding anniversary and due to the nature of his job, we decided against a fancy restaurant (which would include reservations that probably would have been canceled because of work) and instead did some pizza and ice cream. We'll do fancy dinner when he gets back since he has a guaranteed 48 hours off. Anyways.
So yes. I ate a huge part of the cheese pizza but good lord, Casa Mia is good. I decided not to count calories yesterday. Then I gorged on ice cream.
Today, it was off to the gym. I worked my biceps and triceps and Jean showed me how to do planks, to strengthen my core, and special sit ups on an exercise ball since I have a lower back injury that prevents me from doing crunches. After that, I did my 45 minutes of cardio.
I get my stuff out of the locker room, and I pass the scale. I look at it, think, yeah, I'm doing this. And I step on.
195! It fluctuated from 194.5-195 for a few seconds so I'm calling it 195 but still! I lost 2 pounds last week! Including my little binge yesterday! I feel...amazing.
I wanted to tell everyone working there. "HEY! I lost 2 pounds! That's 5 so far!"
I know they'd actually probably act pumped and high five me but I'm still just settling for telling my family. And you. Whoever you are. ;)

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Aw snap, twice in one day?

I need goals. I've outlined a few on the side (starting to spruce up the ol' bloggy blog) but I really need something to look forward to.
Trust me, all 70 by April would be AMAZING (and would probably also mean $5000 from my gym's Biggest Loser program!) but what about month by month?
At the end of all this, when I'm down to a size 7 (WHEN not IF!), my mom said she'd buy me a new wardrobe (bless mothers who live out of state and have money to spend). I'll also look awesome, I know that.
What about a month from now? Realistically, where will I be? Where SHOULD I be? Maybe down 20 pounds? Or is it more like 10?
I have lost a lot of weight before and it really and almost literally melted off. End of February in 2008, I was a size 12 or so. End of March, I was a size 7. I didn't starve myself. All I did was exercise a lot. Three times a week. I may have cut out a few things here and there, but it wasn't very radical. Is it naive of me to have similar expectations? Probably. But I want so bad for all of this stuff to be gone. All the trainers at my gym think it can be done. I told them I wanted to lose 70 pounds. One pulled out a calculator and got all excited because that'd be 35% of my weight lost which would pretty much guarantee that I'd be the winner for all of the gyms in that franchise. And $5000 is nothing to laugh at! Especially at this point where the Army decided they overpaid my husband for his separation last year and told us to pay back nearly $3000.
But I digress.
What are acceptable goals for myself?
I love shoes and handbags. I don't want to reward myself with too many clothes seeing as how I'd like to be smaller at the end. But shoes and handbags are okay. And I love gadgets. iPads, iPods, computers, all that crap. So maybe at 50 I can get a really fabulous handbag? Like almost-can't-afford-it fabulous.
An iPad is kind of stupid, since I have an iPod touch and I really can't think of anything in particular I'd use it for besides just as conspicuous consumption, but I'd still really like one! Maybe at 65 pounds. Like, "Hey, you're almost there!"
Shoes are amazing and I will make any occasion an excuse to buy a pair, especially since I'm getting back into the habit of wearing my heels. Those would make good 20 or 25 pound rewards. Also, new workout clothes for every 20 pounds or so would be good, I think. I noticed that my old sweatpants are starting to get baggy in the thighs (GASP!) so I was thinking having a little variety would be awesome!
Then there are massages. I work out as hard as I can and I frequently wake up aching and sore (in a great way, but still, sometimes it hurts to sneeze). Getting a massage would be a nice reward, too. More of a 10 or 15 pound motivation, I think. My husband said for every 10 pounds, I get a foot massage. :)

What kind of goals and rewards do you have set up for yourself?

It's Kind of Daunting

My personal trainer is putting together a meal plan for me. I decided to take part in the Biggest Loser challenge at my gym so I get a free diet assessment and stuff.
I'm a quarter Japanese and I have to give up my friggin' rice.
No more ichiban.
Just the thought of going without all these foods that I've grown up with makes me sad. But isn't that unhealthy? Being SAD about food??

On a brighter note, I found a really delicious lunch food for myself. Multigrain bread (90 calories a slice) smeared with a tablespoon of natural peanut butter (which is about 90 calories). And voila. A personal trainer-approved lunch at 180 calories. She also said my personal favorite, caprese salad, is excellent for me. And I've completely cut out soda. I never used to drink it much before except when we went out but now it's all water. When I crave something sweet, I got some Walmart brand Crystal Lite type stuff to stick in there. It's less than 10 calories. My favorite is the Cherry Pomegranate. Yummy. I need to find stuff without aspartame though. I hear bad things about it. But at this particular moment, I'm concerned with getting calories and portions under control. I will start replacing more things with healthier alternatives. For instance, I told her I bake rice with Cream of Mushroom soup a lot (I don't cook well). She suggested halving my rice portion and using a cheese-free Alfredo sauce with some chopped mushrooms and cubed chicken or turkey. I like the idea I just have to figure out what she means by the Alfredo sauce. Does she have something in particular in mind? And my SWEET TOOTH WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. I crave chocolate like all the time. It's stupid.
I'm keeping myself pumped up pretty well. Seeing results after just a week really put a smile on my face. I'm already FEELING better too. I don't get winded going up the stairs. I'm trying to take walks with my husband on days I don't go to the gym or just do something to keep active in general.
I feel the results but I don't see them. I know it's only been a week and a half so realistically, I won't. But I want so badly to fit back into my old clothes and have my body back. :<

Despite all that, I'm trying to think POSITIVE!!
Progress pictures will be posted soon.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Don't Get Cocky...

I fell off the wagon majorly yesterday. :( I don't think I consumed more than 1500 calories however I ate way too much sugar and junk food in general.
It's harder when I'm with my family and we're having fun and making dinner together, especially when a cousin I haven't seen in years resurfaces. We made pot stickers and asian chicken curry and rice. So yummy!! But I had more pot stickers than I should have and later, Leslie got me a sundae. Poooooop!!
Can't beat myself up though. It makes it worse.
I think I will feel better when I see how my weight loss is going.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The WeekEND of Week One!

Okay so today was a pretty big milestone for me.
Number one, I got my ass up and to the gym WITHOUT a personal training appointment and WITHOUT a near nervous breakdown (since my father died, I've been having some anxiety issues...I'll go into that another time maybe when I feel like talking more about it). It is also the end of my first week working towards my goal!
This week so far, I have successfully stayed between 1200-1400 calories per day...tonight, my husband made us steaks and I even had the correct portion amount and became FULL before I finished! I was pretty pleased about that.
The thing is, I'm not really dieting. I need to change my eating habits all together. My portions have been out of control and I tend to snack when I'm bored or depressed.  I used to be able to devour an entire steak, two cups of Japanese sticky rice (I'm part Japanese...can't cut it out just yet!), and whatever else I felt the need to stick in my mouth.
So tonight, I measured that steak and I measured that rice, and added in broccoli (steamed). I ate all my broccoli first, opting to fill up on the healthiest bit. And gosh, I had about a quarter of my steak portion left and several forkfuls of rice left and I was full! I was elated.
For dessert, I let myself have a little treat: two of those chocolate candies from Weight Watchers. They have caramel and pecans and are yummy!
I finished out my day with a net calorie intake of just over 1200. Hurray!!

I'm going out of order here, but bear with me. It's late and I wanted to get this out before I fell asleep. Anyways. This morning at the gym, I walked out (very determined-like) and into the weight room in the gym. Usually there are plenty of meatheads there, hogging up the machines I want to use (my PT usually kicks them off for a few minutes) so I decided to try out the hack slide.
Holy Mother of God.
By rep 5 of my first set, my thighs are burning. I powered through it and did 3 sets of 12 though. Then I did my biceps (I wimped out after only 2 sets, poop) and triceps. Then I did more thigh workouts on the adductor and abductor machines.
Then is was time for cardio. Jean says 35 to 45 minutes for days I do strength training and 1 hr 30 to 1 hr 45  on days I don't. Ouch. The idea of being on an elliptical, or anything else for that matter, for that long is daunting. I did find a great song today, hiding on my iPod. It's Run the World by Beyonce (4, I think is the album). It's some remix though and man, that got me in the Zone. It was perfect!
When I finally got off the elliptical, I thought my legs would give out. I had major jello legs all day. I'm still having trouble getting up my stairs. So I'm thinking no more leg workouts for a few days.

I've been thinking about some new goals though. First, obviously, is get my weight down. But once I hit that, I don't want just maintenance here on out. I was thinking maybe I could take up kickboxing or something like that. Karate? Jiu Jitsu? Something...
But then I was thinking, what if I get on that scale on Monday and the number I see doesn't look very good? What if it's such a minuscule amount, or worse, more than before? What if I haven't done anything at all and all this hard work and careful meal planning didn't do a thing?