Oh hey look, she's back. Maybe. Scratch that. Definitely.

Okay.
So.
Obviously I haven't been doing as well as I wanted to be at this point. At this point, I think I wanted to be all the way there or almost all the way there. As it is, I'm halfway with a pound or two backwards.
I haven't weighed myself in weeks. I'm afraid to. It's my own fault. I got cocky, and decided I could eat what I wanted since I was working out and then --guess what?-- I stopped working out! SO began my vicious spiral into old habits.

Well, tomorrow I'm starting a fit body boot camp for the whole month of October that I'm pretty excited about. I'm not so excited about the prospect of being up at 4:30 in the morning EVERY MORNING and on my way towards work (my co-worker got me into it and it's about a block away from our office). BUT. I am excited to jump-start this thing again. My goal that I've set for myself is 10 pounds by the end of October. If I can reach or even surpass that, I know I'll do well and lose the rest of this weight.

In addition to the boot camp routine I'll be doing (after October, I'm going to go back to my gym with my trainer and hit it hard like before), I'm going to be adjusting my eating. Totally clean all through October. I might reintroduce white rice afterwards (I'm part Japanese, can't do without, it's in my blood, damn it!) and maybe a few sweet treats (sweet tooth) but I'll keep just rice and only dark chocolate at the very least (no more Hagensborg truffle pigs!). I'm looking into the Paleo diet, which I really want more information on without having to buy the book but so far, it sounds ideal. I love meat. It's just the way it is. I'm a carnivore. The rice thing is going to kill me. But I'll live. It's worth it to A) add years onto my life B) feel amazing about myself and my body, and C) be able to fit into clothes I want and love. Seriously. Even now I can wear so much more than I could last year. It's great. But I see my tummy coming back and I see the habits coming back and I can't let it happen anymore!

If I am completely honest with myself, I am unhappy with what I see in the mirror. I have ruined progress by gaining five pounds back and it's totally completely my fault. But I will fix it and I will make this happen. I have to. And I WANT IT. Very badly. I want to be healthy and fit. It will happen. It will happen. It will happen.

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!