The Long Awaited Update!

I'm just kidding.
I know I only have a handful of people that will read this but nyeah. I will post anyways.

For starters, I have lost 15 pounds in the past two months. I'm so happy and proud of myself. During a particularly heinous fight, my husband yelled out, "Look at you! You decided you didn't want to be fat anymore and you just changed! Just like that! You can change for the better!"
While I was still royally pissed at him, it still really strikes me as kind of a wonderful thing. (Don't worry, hubby and I kissed and made up, as we usually do.)

With that, I still get discouraged! For instance, last week I was at 186 then Friday I weighed in and was at 188. I was so depressed that I gained those extra 2 pounds. Everyone kept saying, "It's probably just muscle!" That's all fine and good but I have so much weight to lose to be remotely close to healthy that even just 2 pounds feels like 50. But I kept to my limits and even tried to go to the gym today while sick (not a good idea, by the way, I feel like shit) and after stepping on the scale I discovered I was at 185. Cue big huge grin.

A few days ago, I had an idea that weekly, in order to keep myself focused on the wonderful things that are happening to my body, I should find new great things that are happening. Then I won't focus so much on how my tummy looks kind of dimpled now and I'm not sure if it will look nice when the weight's gone, things like that. (Can you tell what I'm focused on at the mo?)

So without further ado:
1. I have collarbones. They are officially out there.
2. My Old Navy "fat" jeans are extremely baggy, my Old Navy "regular" jeans are starting to loosen up, and I finally fit back into my Lucky "fat" jeans. :>
3. I can bound up my entire staircase and not be out of breath!!
4. I am able to make much better food choices much more easily.
5. I don't have that shadow of a double chin.
6. I am discovering I have some extremely powerful muscles underneath the pudge.
7. All of my clothes are fitting so much better.

Tada!

The Roller Coaster That Is The Holidays

I'm going to start this out by saying that the past two Christmases sucked. This is my second Christmas after my dad died so it was really just not good times. Cue me crying over a laundry basket full of towels on Christmas Eve. On top of that, my husband had to leave for a Chicago run on the 23rd so I was mostly alone. Don't get me wrong, I went to my aunt's house Christmas Day and my cousin even spent the night with me and stuff but I was just really lonely deep down, despite being surrounded by people. So I ate a lot.
Then on Monday I go into the gym for a reprogram and see that I had gained a pound and a half back over the course of a weekend. I was even sadder. I came home pissed off. And really discouraged. I had the thought--several times--of, "Why do I even bother? I'm going to be fat forever." I got really down on myself. And even though I stuck to my meal plan, I just really couldn't get my heart in it. I stared longingly at my husband's ginormous steak as I nibbled on my little deck-of-cards-sized portion. I could smell the buttery popcorn in the movie theater as I munched on my own all natural stuff that I sneaked in with in my purse. I really almost just gave up and gave in. But I didn't.
Yesterday, I weighed myself and I had lost the pound and a half that I gained plus an additional pound. I was really excited. Even more excited with I saw I had lost 5 inches at my waist (never mind the stagnation that is my thighs and arms...uuugggggh).
I don't even know the point of this, I just had to get it out.

5 Pounds Down, 65 More To Go!

I weighed myself today!
I was honestly nervous at first. Yesterday was my husband's and my first wedding anniversary and due to the nature of his job, we decided against a fancy restaurant (which would include reservations that probably would have been canceled because of work) and instead did some pizza and ice cream. We'll do fancy dinner when he gets back since he has a guaranteed 48 hours off. Anyways.
So yes. I ate a huge part of the cheese pizza but good lord, Casa Mia is good. I decided not to count calories yesterday. Then I gorged on ice cream.
Today, it was off to the gym. I worked my biceps and triceps and Jean showed me how to do planks, to strengthen my core, and special sit ups on an exercise ball since I have a lower back injury that prevents me from doing crunches. After that, I did my 45 minutes of cardio.
I get my stuff out of the locker room, and I pass the scale. I look at it, think, yeah, I'm doing this. And I step on.
195! It fluctuated from 194.5-195 for a few seconds so I'm calling it 195 but still! I lost 2 pounds last week! Including my little binge yesterday! I feel...amazing.
I wanted to tell everyone working there. "HEY! I lost 2 pounds! That's 5 so far!"
I know they'd actually probably act pumped and high five me but I'm still just settling for telling my family. And you. Whoever you are. ;)

Aw snap, twice in one day?

Yep.
I need goals. I've outlined a few on the side (starting to spruce up the ol' bloggy blog) but I really need something to look forward to.
Trust me, all 70 by April would be AMAZING (and would probably also mean $5000 from my gym's Biggest Loser program!) but what about month by month?
At the end of all this, when I'm down to a size 7 (WHEN not IF!), my mom said she'd buy me a new wardrobe (bless mothers who live out of state and have money to spend). I'll also look awesome, I know that.
What about a month from now? Realistically, where will I be? Where SHOULD I be? Maybe down 20 pounds? Or is it more like 10?
I have lost a lot of weight before and it really and almost literally melted off. End of February in 2008, I was a size 12 or so. End of March, I was a size 7. I didn't starve myself. All I did was exercise a lot. Three times a week. I may have cut out a few things here and there, but it wasn't very radical. Is it naive of me to have similar expectations? Probably. But I want so bad for all of this stuff to be gone. All the trainers at my gym think it can be done. I told them I wanted to lose 70 pounds. One pulled out a calculator and got all excited because that'd be 35% of my weight lost which would pretty much guarantee that I'd be the winner for all of the gyms in that franchise. And $5000 is nothing to laugh at! Especially at this point where the Army decided they overpaid my husband for his separation last year and told us to pay back nearly $3000.
But I digress.
What are acceptable goals for myself?
I love shoes and handbags. I don't want to reward myself with too many clothes seeing as how I'd like to be smaller at the end. But shoes and handbags are okay. And I love gadgets. iPads, iPods, computers, all that crap. So maybe at 50 I can get a really fabulous handbag? Like almost-can't-afford-it fabulous.
An iPad is kind of stupid, since I have an iPod touch and I really can't think of anything in particular I'd use it for besides just as conspicuous consumption, but I'd still really like one! Maybe at 65 pounds. Like, "Hey, you're almost there!"
Shoes are amazing and I will make any occasion an excuse to buy a pair, especially since I'm getting back into the habit of wearing my heels. Those would make good 20 or 25 pound rewards. Also, new workout clothes for every 20 pounds or so would be good, I think. I noticed that my old sweatpants are starting to get baggy in the thighs (GASP!) so I was thinking having a little variety would be awesome!
Then there are massages. I work out as hard as I can and I frequently wake up aching and sore (in a great way, but still, sometimes it hurts to sneeze). Getting a massage would be a nice reward, too. More of a 10 or 15 pound motivation, I think. My husband said for every 10 pounds, I get a foot massage. :)

What kind of goals and rewards do you have set up for yourself?